So what is our self-esteem based on anyway and why is it so important?

Self-esteem is typically shaped by our life experiences, thoughts, beliefs, and attachments. Childhood is often the foundation of our self-esteem. Lasting ideas about our value, worthiness, and potential are formed for better or worse.

Unconsciously we digest the messages we’re fed about ourselves from our caregivers and siblings,  classmates, communities, and society at-large. And if your family of origin was unhealthy, bullying was a factor, or you suffered a trauma? Well, then you may have lacked the care and resources to develop a strong sense of who you are.

So, if you struggle or you simply want to feel even better about yourself, are there ways to markedly improve your self-esteem? Can you literally change your own mind and the way you think and plan for yourself? Consider a few strategies that you can start putting into action right away. 

Give that negative self-talk some pushback

Do you habitually or automatically beat yourself up? Is the talk in your mind negative and critical when you look in the mirror, try something new or meet new people? It’s hard to feel high on yourself when you treat yourself like an enemy.

Words, even those in your own head are powerful. Negative self-talk can be especially damaging. Pushback as much as possible.  If a positive mantra helps, use it. If you need to journal your good traits and read it back to yourself, do it. Face your inner critic and talk back loudly… with a smile.

Skip the social media and self-comparison

Comparing yourself and all your flaws to your perception of others is never very fruitful. Social media and our image-based culture can make it very difficult not to find something wrong with yourself if you go looking. So what do you do?

Your best option is to get focused on your own needs, gifts, and strengths. Even your weaknesses deserve attention if they inspire you to set personal goals. The idea is to make your life yours, not a reflection of what others think is important. Applaud them for their gains, but love and champion your own life.

Edit out unrealistic expectations

Do recognize that high self-esteem is not a result of perfection. In fact, perfectionism is usually linked to anxiety and insecurity. Think about approaching life and relationships reasonably and positively. Give yourself room to succeed and fail without getting trapped in the idea that either experience defines you.

Celebrate yourself and your everyday “wins”

Small victories and simple pleasures are the stuff of self-esteem and self-love. Choosing to celebrate yourself fosters gratitude and appreciation for who you are and what you can do.  Tap into this daily and repeatedly to help retrain your brain.

Appreciation needn’t come from outside. Validating your own presence and experiences reminds you of your value and contributions. It affirms that you are here and that’s enough.

Be quick to forgive yourself

It’s okay to be human. Low self-esteem thrives when you forget that. Be intentional about self-compassion. Treat yourself kindly with self-care and healthy choices. You don’t deserve mental torture or self-imposed isolation because you’ve made mistakes.

Allow yourself the gift of self-forgiveness so that you can enjoy the self-esteem boosting process of resilience and moving forward.

Finally, Seek Out Solid Support.

Your self-esteem needs support and encouragement from the outside too. Thus, it’s vital to challenge the voices in your personal history with carefully chosen relationships today.

You don’t need to go through life alone. You deserve care and attention. Humans are hardwired to seek out a place to belong. If you are missing supportive connections, don’t withdraw. Keep reaching out to safe and compassionate people.

Your first stop may need to be a therapist. Please know that there is no shame in that. A counselor can help you understand the effects of your past. They can provide a safe place to share your hurts and help you recognize your strengths and worth. Your self-esteem is not so low that it can’t be nurtured. If you’re ready to bloom, we’re ready to help you grow.  Please read more about individual therapy and contact us soon to schedule an appointment.