Understanding the Stages of Grief

Grief is part of the human experience. It’s incredibly personal, complicated, and certainly non-linear. That said, therapists generally speak of grief as having five stages. These five stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

As you grieve a loss, you may experience these stages in order, skip a few, or return to others. There’s no right way to grieve, and nobody is obligated to pass through each of these stages. But they serve as a useful model for processing a loss.

Denial

Denial is usually the first stage of grief. When faced with a loss, it’s natural for your mind to protect you from these overwhelming emotions. You may find yourself in a state of disbelief, refusing to accept the reality of what has happened.

During this stage, you may experience shock, numbness, and a sense of detachment from what’s going on around you. It’s important to understand that this denial serves as a defense mechanism, allowing you time to gradually process your loss at a pace that feels more manageable.

Anger

As denial begins to fade, you may feel the pain of the loss more fully, which leads to the next stage: anger. You may direct your anger towards yourself, others, or strangely, even the person you’ve lost. Anger can manifest in various ways, from irritability and frustration to resentment and blaming.

Instead of bottling in your anger and exploding on others, it’s important to express this feeling in a healthy way. If you’re working through deep feelings of resentment and rage, try getting them out through physical exercise, talking to a friend, or a creative outlet.

Bargaining

During the bargaining stage, you might attempt to regain control in order to ease your own pain. This stage is characterized by “what if” and “if only” statements—“What if they got better treatment?” and “If only I had been there to help them.”

This is your mind desperately finding ways to change the circumstances that led to the loss of the person you loved. Bargaining often involves making promises, seeking religious or spiritual guidance, or trying to negotiate with yourself or a higher power. But remember: while bargaining can provide temporary relief, ultimately, you cannot alter the past or control external events.

Depression

As the reality of the loss sinks in, feelings of sadness, emptiness, and despair take over. Depression is a natural response to grief, and it’s usually characterized by a loss of interest in activities, feelings of worthlessness, and a sense of hopelessness.

Experiencing depression during the grieving process is not a sign of weakness, but rather a normal part of healing. During this stage, ask for help from people who can support you when it’s hard to show up for yourself.

Acceptance

The final stage of the grieving process is acceptance. Acceptance absolutely does not mean forgetting or getting over your loss. Rather, you’ll come to terms with it and find a way to move forward. During this stage, you’ll begin to integrate what you’re grieving into your life and adjust to a new reality.

Acceptance does not necessarily mean that all the pain disappears, but you’ll achieve a greater peace and understanding. It allows you to honor the memory of what was lost while embracing your present and future.

Grief-focused therapy

Grieving is a long process. That said, dealing with a loss shouldn’t put your life completely on hold. If you’re struggling with grief, talking to a mental health professional can help. With a therapist, you’ll work to understand the role this person played in your life and how to adjust to their absence. You’ll also learn how to process your emotions and prioritize your well-being through a traumatic experience.

To find out more about the stages of grief through therapy, please reach out to us.

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