Have you ever noticed how different situations can bring out different sides of your personality? Maybe you’re confident at work, but become withdrawn in certain social settings. Or perhaps you find yourself acting in ways that feel completely out of character when you’re stressed. This isn’t unusual at all; in fact, it’s something that Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy recognizes as a normal part of being human.

Internal Family Systems therapy is an approach that views the mind as naturally containing multiple parts or subpersonalities. Rather than seeing this as problematic, IFS celebrates these different aspects of ourselves and works to help them function together more harmoniously.

The three types of parts

IFS identifies three main categories of parts, each with its own important role:

Managers

Manager parts work tirelessly to keep you safe by controlling your environment and preventing painful experiences. These parts developed early in life to protect you from getting hurt.

Common manager parts include:

• The perfectionist who ensures everything is done flawlessly
• The people pleaser who avoids conflict
• The critic who points out potential problems before others can

Exiles

Exile parts carry the vulnerable emotions and painful memories that your other parts work so hard to protect. These parts hold experiences of hurt, rejection, abandonment, or trauma. They’re called “exiles” because other parts often try to keep them suppressed.

When exile parts become activated, you might feel:

• Overwhelmed by emotions
• Panicked or anxious
• Like you’re reliving past painful experiences

Firefighters

Firefighter parts spring into action when exile parts break through and threaten to overwhelm you. Their job is urgent: distract you from the pain or numb those difficult feelings as quickly as possible.

Firefighter behaviors might include:

• Binge eating or restricting food
• Substance use
• Self-harm
• Explosive anger
• Impulsive sexual behavior

How IFS therapy works

The goal of IFS therapy isn’t to get rid of your parts. Instead, the focus is on helping your Self become the compassionate leader of your internal family.

Identifying and understanding your parts

Your therapist will help you begin to notice and identify the different parts within you. This process involves:

• Recognizing when parts are active in your daily life
• Describing how each part shows up (what it says, how it feels in your body)
• Understanding what each part is trying to protect you from
• Exploring how you feel toward each part

Developing Self-leadership

As you become more aware of your parts, your therapist will help you access your Self. From this place of Self-leadership, you can begin to:

• Listen to your parts with curiosity rather than judgment
• Understand what each part needs and fears
• Negotiate new roles that serve you better

Healing and integration

The therapeutic process involves “unburdening” parts that have been carrying heavy loads of pain or responsibility. This might mean:

• Helping perfectionist managers relax their standards
• Providing comfort and validation to exile parts
• Finding healthier ways for firefighter parts to handle distress