Does it seem like a romantic notion to be with your loved one all of the time? Or do you worry that if you aren’t with them you cannot function on your own?

Codependency can be tricky. Unhealthy attachment to your partner can be subtle. In fact, it can be difficult to spot codependent behaviors from the inside out.

Do you feel you need your partner to feel worthy? Is emotional manipulation a big part of your connection to others, in hopes that you can make sure you aren’t abandoned? 

If you suspect that codependency is complicating your relationship, use the following information as an opportunity to learn more before you or your relationships are further damaged.

Problems of a Codependent Relationship

Often, codependency feels like you “lose yourself” in relationships. If you repeatedly wonder why you feel anxious, stressed, and insecure, look closer at why. Ask yourself some important questions about the health of your relationship, read on to learn more about key signs of codependency: 

Does your self-worth rest heavily on the approval of others?

It is natural to want to make your loved ones happy. However, relationships become emotionally destructive if the participants’ self-worth and identities depend on the approval of others.

Do your relationships tend to be heavily one-sided?

When one partner in a relationship perpetually gives too much, exerts excessive effort, and sacrifices heavily, something is amiss. Consider that a need to consistently give much more than you receive is an effort to control and keep someone from seeking happiness elsewhere.

Are you neglecting your own needs or health?

Sacrificing your own physical or mental health to be available for someone else is often a tell-tale sign of codependency. There should always be enough time and space in a relationship for each member.

Do you justify or ignore unhealthy behaviors in your relationship?

Codependent people often do not recognize their codependency, so don’t beat yourself up. It’s more important that you start to pay attention to toxic patterns that keep codependency going.

Do you have a tough time finding outside sources of happiness or worth?

Feeling unable to find much pleasure or interest outside of your relationship is a codependency red flag too. There is a good chance you are codependent if your emotional world is driven by whether things are good with your relationship partner.

Is your self-esteem low?

Codependents are typically clingy or people-pleasers to cover feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness. 

Do you struggle to communicate fairly and accurately?

The way you communicate reveals the level of codependency in your connections. If true thoughts and feelings are not shared, there’s a problem. If you or they default repeatedly to “I’m fine” or “Whatever you want”, what you think others want or need is overriding your authentic thoughts. This likely just keeps the relationship shallow and insecure.

Find Support to Turn Things Around

Codependency recovery comes in many forms. There are also support groups you can look into. An organization called Codependents Anonymous also addresses the feeling of being needed and how to take a closer look at past relationships.

Even more specific to you, individualized therapy, couples counseling, or family therapy can assist your recovery as well. In time, any relationship you have will benefit from your ability to set better boundaries and love securely. Please read more about our therapy services and contact us soon for a consultation.