Grief During the Holiday Season

Grief is always a hard experience, but grief during the holidays can feel even more complicated. For a lot of people, the holiday season is a time of family gatherings, forming new memories, and returning to traditions. If you had a special person die (whether it was recent or many years ago), you may even find yourself dreading this time of year. Even though grief can make you feel incredibly isolated, you are not alone.

Maybe your child had a Halloween costume already picked out before they died. Maybe your partner who died was the one who always cooked the Thanksgiving turkey. Maybe your father was the one who always lit the Menorah. Maybe your sibling was the one who always helped with hanging the Christmas lights. Maybe your friend was the person you spent every New Year’s Eve with. Whatever the case may be, you are feeling their absence heavily. There’s this expectation that because it’s the holiday season, you need to be happy and jolly – and if you’re not, then you might as well be Mr. Scrooge.

The end of the year can often feel like a transitional period. It’s a time of reflection; those reflections can bring up a lot of tough feelings. It’s important to give yourself grace during this time, especially if you are grieving the death of a special person. Grace can look different for everyone – whether that means revamping your self-care routines, enforcing boundaries with family members and friends, or changing how your holiday looks altogether.

Supporting a Grieving Person During the Holidays:

To put it bluntly – death makes people uncomfortable. Our society has a hard time navigating and talking about things like death and grief. There’s this general assumption that if we name it directly, that we may remind someone that they are grieving. This is simply not true – bereaved people never forget that their special person has died.

This reality is always with them. In fact, dancing around the topic of grief is often very unhelpful – it can result in heightened isolation and feeling like their grief is a burden and not to be talked about. Leaning into the discomfort of grief is a crucial way to support your loved ones who may be experiencing grief this holiday season.

Here are some things you can try during the holidays this year to support your loved one:

• Ask about their person who died. Invite them to share pictures and memories about their person who died
• Invite them to share about special holiday traditions they used to do with their person who died. Brainstorm ideas on how to keep pieces of those traditions alive
• Ask them about what their limits might be this year. If you’re able to, offer to do things (e.g., host the festivities, cook, planning, etc.) that may help lighten the load for your grieving loved one
• Go with the flow. Your grieving loved one may present much differently this holiday season. Practice your own self-care so that you can show up for them and for yourself.

Written by Marina Bottiglieri, LPC