What attachment type are you when you are in a relationship? Do you tend to be more unattached than your partner? Or are you the clingy type, seeking validation from your partner? 

It is perfectly normal to respond to attachment differently than other people. According to attachment theory, our individual attachment style is based on how we responded to relationships with our early caregivers. When we grow up to be adults, we mirror the attachment we had with our childhood caregivers in our adult relationships.

There are four main attachment styles:

• secure
• anxious
• avoidant
• disorganized

By learning about your attachment style, you will gain a clearer understanding of why you might be having problems in your relationship. Armed with that clarity, you can better glean how to fix current unproductive relationship patterns.

Anxious Attachment

Ambivalent attachment style means that you can lean toward clinginess or neediness. You have a tendency to be anxious and uncertain which can lead to a lack of confidence in your actions. This can also cause you to question whether your partner really loves and wants you.  You require copious amounts of reassurance from your partner and then worry if they will tire of you. If your partner is asking for boundaries, you do not take that well because you are worried that your relationship is slipping away. 

Disorganized Attachment

Disorganized attachment is usually the result of childhood trauma, abuse, or neglect. This can cause someone to think they do not deserve to be close to anyone. It may be that your early relationships were frightening or abusive. Perhaps the trauma caused you not to know how else to treat others. Perhaps you struggle with anger issues or abusive tendencies yourself.

You may be acting out or participating in self sabotaging behaviors like substance abuse or other risky activities. Even though you crave the safety and security of an intimate relationship, you feel like you are unworthy of someone’s love and are afraid of getting hurt again.